Insomnia is awesome. It sounds a little like salmonella, and it's probably not just a coincidence that if you have salmonella, you probably also have insomnia. For the record, I do not have salmonella, just insomnia, and even though food poisoning is a fun and colorful experience, I think I already paid my dues in that department this year.
I tried going to sleep earlier but it was one of those times where you lay down on your bed and try the old "just close your eyes" trick that your parents always pulled on you when you were little, except tonight when I closed my eyes my brain didn't get the memo, so here I am, writing run-on sentences for the benefit of the free world. It's just to bad the world isn't really free anymore. Take water, for example. I was recently at Disney World in Florida (not to be confused with the Disney World in Peoria) with a good friend of mine. I think it was about 345% humidity and around 345 degrees Kelvin most of the time we were there. (*READER WARNING: This next bit of info might be too much, so if you don't want to be grossed out, just close your eyes while reading the next few lines so you don't hear what I have to say*).
So while walking and walking and walking and walking through all of WDW's 975 separate theme parks in this heat, I might have broken a light sweat (by "light" I mean there was sweat squishing out of my shoes as I walked, leaving nice foot prints behind me even though I hadn't just walked out of a swimming pool). What can I say....I'm used to hot dry weather, but the South has a sauna-feel to it that makes me think I should see old men with towels around their waists emerging from steam clouds. Whoever said that "girls don't sweat, they shimmer" should have been there with me that day because I was shimmering so much the astronauts probably saw me from the space station.
When you're shimmering excessively, you are obviously losing a lot of water. So I was chug-a-lugging my H2O religiously, but somewhere in the Magic Kingdom or on the Safari Ride or inside the Golf Ball or while wanting to throw golf balls at the wild animals that I saw on the safari ride just to see if the lions really were real or just machines of the magical kingdom, I lost my water bottle. Then I had to buy a new one. You know how much they charged for a bottle of water?!? Three dollars!!! For 16 ounces!!!! After I found this out, I realized that Disney just built the rides so that people would be distracted long enough for secret employees to steal their water bottles, forcing them to go spend more money on more water.
And that's what the Disney empire is based on (and here you thought it was built on revenues from movies and what-not). After doing the math in my head, I figured out that my sweat was worth roughly 19 cents per ounce. Ok, for a comparison, gasoline is something like 0.9 cents per fl oz. (Don't check my math because it's 4:06 AM and I might have accidentally converted something to square acres instead of fluid ounces).
Back to my original point. The world is not free, especially the 2/3 of it that is covered by water (1/3 of which was converted to *shimmer* by yours truly). However, vaccines are free. I'm hoping they still are anyway, because I'm on my college-kid budget (also known as "Shop at Goodwill on 1/2-off everything day") and have to get measles/mumps/rubella, tetanus/diptheria, and a hepatitis series done before I am allowed to do clinicals at the hospital this fall.
I called around town and the general conspiracy plan that all of the Farmington doctors offices came up with was to charge between $300-$400 just to let people stand in the same room as the vaccines in hopes of obtaining immunity by way of diffusion. (If we were in the south, it would be by reverse osmosis). If you actually want the shot injected, you have to trade a kidney or your liver for it.
Obviously, I want to keep my bank account and my body intact at least until grad school (when I have serious expenses), so I called up to Durango and found a place that apparently received a government grant (AKA "fun money and we can always print more!") that is enabling them to give out free vaccines. I'm not really sure about the ethics behind all of it and can't help but wonder if there is secret serum in the bottles that will turn me into a liberal. If, after I receive these shots tomorrow, you hear me say "Yes we can!" or if I cut my hair like Janet Napolitano, please, do the right thing and shoot me dead right there on the spot. My family will understand (Heck, they'll probably say something like "Better shoot her again...y'know, just to be sure").
My rendevesouszzssszsouss (French for "let's get together secretly and smoke cigarettes while talking crap about other people behind their backs because we are too scared to say it to their faces) at the Durango clinic is later on today. I haven't had a shot in 21 years, so this should be interesting. Maybe if I cry, they'll give me a sedative, and hopefully, I won't have insomnia tomorrow night.
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