The last week here has been, in one word, insane. My family is going through a lot right now as three of our members suffer from some intense medical problems and have all been in and out of the hospital. The only thing I know to say is that I know our Savior is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Meaning, my Jesus is the same right now as He was 20 minutes ago. He is the same right now as He was before my mom, grandma, and uncle all developed the medical conditions they now suffer from. He was the same while they were/are in the hospital as He was when they were totally healthy, and He will be the same tomorrow, whatever their condition is at that time. I know that He holds each of them in His hands.

This has been a hard time for our family. Today started with one of those phone calls that we all dread receiving regarding a loved one and is ending at 2 AM with my mom being in the ER because her intestines shut down. Doctors are saying that my uncle has only a matter of hours remaining. I don't know what tomorrow holds, what next week will bring. Someday I know this will all make sense and we will see why it was that they had to suffer as they have.

I talked to my cousin on the phone yesterday and through tears he shared with me the last things that he and his dad said to each other. Nothing fancy or legendary...just "I love you." Is there anything more you can say though? Not that I can think of. I know my uncle is going home to our Savior when he dies, which may be tonight or in 40 years. It's just hard if not impossible, to keep from crying for the ones he leaves behind.

I can't help but think of my own mama when I think of my uncle. How do I put into words everything that my mama is to me? I can't. She loves to draw maps for people to follow. She buys tons of books and never finishes any of them. She is beautiful. I think of her and my uncle when I hear James Taylor songs.

The other person that is sick right now is my grandma. I've always called her Rackaw for some reason that I don't even know. This is breaking our hearts. Her and my mom and my uncle...I mean, they're so close to each other. He's been in the family since 1966 when he married my aunt. They were 18 years old. How do you live your life with someone for over 40 years then have to go on without them? I can't really imagine. But even more than that, how could you make it without Jesus holding you? I know people often wonder how a loving God could let us suffer. I just wonder...how much harder would the suffering be if He wasn't there with us? I trust my Savior. I know He is in control. How much worse would our suffering be if we didn't have a Savior bearing it for us?