Running on 5 cylinders..make that 3.

I made it through today and yesterday, and for that major accomplishment, someone needs to give me a klondike bar.

I overslept both mornings and consequently, did not have time to brew a pot of coffee. And that's pretty stupid because no matter what, before they leave their houses in the AM, diabetics shoot up with their insulin, cardiac patients jump start their pacemakers, hypertensionites take a chill pill to lower their blood pressure, and constipated people drink prune juice. It's just how it goes and no one would even think to skip on their treatment because they know that something unfortunate could happen, like death or a coma (well...constipated people might not die but the results would still be pretty unfortunate). But I decided that makeup was more important. Which is why I had one nicely done eye and one eye that looked like it had been stabbed with something sharp and black...like a mascara brush.

So why, oh why, if I can't operate a mascara wand, do I think for a minute that it's OK for me to operate machinery or motor vehicles while not under the influence of caffeine? Really. In spite of this deficiency yesterday morning, I made it to school with 15 minutes to spare before lecture.
Take a minute here for a simple math formula that will explain things better than I can, where, coffee= life (or L), lecture=sleep (or s), me=I (or I), and coma=vegetative state (or v).
This gives us: I-L=SV. If we divide this out, we realize that M-I-C-K-E-Y...and now you know why I need to have coffee. It's a simple matter of mathematics.

Really though, my friend Reena and I walked up to the fountain of life (for reals, wouldn't that be a sweet name for a coffee shop?!?!) er cafe and on the way, I tripped over a flat surface and ran into the wall. Twice. In an uncrowded hallway. I wasn't even wearing barbie heels. (If I was I would also have crashed through a faculty office window in the hallway and gotten tangled in the blinds). By the time we got back to our classroom, we were a few minutes late and I was still unable to walk straight and I accidentally whacked a few students with my backpack trying to make it to my seat gracefully. My backpack had a computer, a binder, and 3 textbooks in it. Since I was being graceful it probably felt like butterfly kisses on the backs of their heads.

FFWD to this morning. I made from my house to the counter at the bank and couldn't remember anything about what happened in between my front door and where I was standing (it's only a 15 mile drive, for Pete's sake). Then I handed a check for deposit to the clerk, sans endorsement or deposit slip, and stood there smiling joyfully, waiting for my receipt. I'm sure people like me make her want to carry a gun to work. If she commits a homicide at my bank tomorrow, I will voluntarily turn myself in at the police station and act out a mime performance of my behavior.
They will immediately release her, but I will probably need to enter the witness protection program.

Tomorrow I am going to brew an extra strong, extra dark, full pot of coffee. Then, I'm just going to take the lid off the pot and I'm going to sit on the kitchen floor in my pajamas, drinking it till it's gone. Then I'll brew another and drink it too. Then, and only then, will I do anything involving higher motor function, like brushing my teeth or going to the bathroom or opening the blinds.